The Pulling of the First Wisdom Teeth

Yesterday was possibly the most horrendous day of my life. I not only had my wisdom teeth pulled but my right shoulder is peeling in such a way that only leprosy comes to mind. Gross.
I didn't know whether or not yesterday would have been my last but somehow I survived. I went in that office full of courage and fear but knew I'd come out of there with two less teeth.

My mother insisted that I did not need them pulled. Ever. But my dentist suggested otherwise. I know better. I have seen the movie Cast Away. Obviously, my mother does not remember the horrific scene in that film. Tom Hanks prolonged his little dentist visit and learned the hard way. I, on the other hand, am never knocking my teeth out with a fucking rock. I prefered anesthesia to the fullest extent. If I should ever be stranded on an island, I shall be stranded with my wisdom teeth removed prior. Affirmative.

When I arrived at the clinic of horrors, I asked my questions and they gave me answers that comforted me only temporarily... until they came after me with the needle of doom. They strapped me down as if I was insane, injected me, asked me about Seaside, and then I was gone. I remember falling asleep to the Philipino Surgeon's words, "Were going to have to make an incision on your upper gum." The words echoed off in the distance and only drilling ensued.

I woke up to one of the surgeon's little helpers walking me around. Rude. I had no desire to be moving but we walked up and down the hallway. I was definitely sleepwalking and drooling simultaneously. They sat me back down and I woke up to the sound of drilling the 2nd time. I had, had enough and asked for my mommy. The helper grabbed my mother and we walked back up and down the hallway a 2nd time. I told the little helper she was like my own personal seeing-eye dog only she smelt better. ha. ha.

I was glad to be out of that place and to be drooling in the privacy of my own vehicle. I slept the entire way home and was excited to drink my cola and pop my Vicodin. We must treasure the little perks in life I say and Vicodin is definitely one of them. Two of my white pearls of wisdom are gone. Only two more to go. I'm stocking up on the Vicodin. If accounting doesn't work out for me I'm taking the easy way out and am hustlin' that shit. Rachelle Cochran--Vicodin Queen. Catchy, know.