Life's Sweet Lessons

I try at all costs to avoid inflicting pain upon myself but yesterday I was something similar to a dumb-ass.
It all started with a wonderful afternoon which consisted of me trying to kill zombies on my friend's Wii (Resident Evil) and dying. Continuously. After five minutes I decided I had, had enough of this crap and tried to perserve whatever dignity I had left by playing Mario Cart racing. The results of this game were even worse. I have come to the conclusion that I can't play video games worth shit. But I decided to walk out of that house with my head held high until I discovered that I could be late for the beloved bus back to ole' good Veneta.
I wasn't sure how much time I had but I knew I had to be quick about the trip to the bus stop. In order to make it on time, I believed that taking off my sandals, that protected me from the scorching pavement, would give me the gift of flight. I definitely did fly on that pavement. After of course, I realized my feet were melting. They were the eggs in a frying pan and I was a dumb shit because I ended up being 15 minutes early for my bus.
My fried tootsies have never been in so much pain in my entire life. They could pretty much be classified as "cooked sausages." I could barely walk. Times like these, I wish I knew how to walk on my hands or even somersault perhaps in a straight line.
I almost contemplated calling in sick for work today on account of being cripple but I decided to man-up. I thought about calling in again after I couldn't locate my little brother's wheelie-chair-scooter-contraption. But I eventually put on the fuzziest pair of socks I own, my chewed-up loafers, and I shelved every book like it was my last. I was asked several times by my co-workers why I was walking like I had a stick up my ass or as they so cleverly put it, a book. Fantastic.
Good news is though, my feet have made a full recovery 24 hours later. I can now walk, run, and skip like a growing child. It's a miracle. I shall never, ever again travel anywhere in this world barefoot. I'd rather walk home than burn my feet trying to catch that freaking bus.