The lovely people on the Veneta bus were unusally quiet this morning. I didn't even feel as if I was aboard the right bus. Granted, I do plug in my headphones immediately upon arrival to avoid any interactions whatsoever. Yes, I am an introvert on the bus but I have my reasons. Also, my "all-knowing" father strongly suggests I do not develop any "attachments" to the patrons of the Veneta bus. I always take his advice to heart when concerning love, money, and of course, the bus.
I looked around to see just how many people were aboard and there happened to be a good turn-out. Everyone was just staring out into space in an eerie, uncomfortable fashion. I kept my eyes forward as well and looked forward to my eight hour day at the beloved library.
I made it to the Eugene station and then proceeded to board the EmX down to campus. I took a modest seat right next to the door but as I sat down, it was too late. I could feel my jeans slowly being saturated with some mysterious, questionable liquid. Shit.
To add a little cherry on top of this situation, the liquid was freezing cold and a huge spot formed on my ass.
I stood up immediately and could only think of one thing: urine.
I knew people pooped on the benches surrounding the buses so someone peeing on the bus wasn’t that difficult to imagine. No stretch of the imagination whatsoever. I was completely distraught and asked a fellow passenger if my butt appeared wet.
She simply smiled and responded, “Yea, honey you definitely sat in something. You should sniff your hand and make sure it ain’t piss. I’ve seen people piss up in the bus all the time. They just come up in here drunk as shit and relieve themselves in seats jus like that one there.” Her finger pointed to my supposedly “soiled” seat.
I was overjoyed by such news. Over. Joyed.
My heart sunk. I really looked good in these jeans. I could only visualize the appeal of my ass with a huge wet spot on it. But I had a feeling it wasn’t pee just because the mysterious liquid was piercing cold. Unless this individual had something wrong internally and had freezing piss, I was ok. Alas, anything can occur at the Eugene Station though.
I slowly drew my hand to my big Irish nose, and inhaled with caution. To my immediate relief, I smelt nothing. Fortunately, it was only water. I hope. Have no fears though for I have taken the proper precautions and threw those babies in the wash as soon as I got home. I did not reek of urine throughout the day and that was a major plus. All I gained from this experience was a giant wet spot on my ass and some minimal ridicule at work. I just held a book to my ass the first two hours and proceeded to do what a book-shelver does best: shelve.
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