A Lie Forever Regretted 11/15/2011

My body cringes with pain as I try to recall the events of last night. Cringes of regret. My muscles cry with pain at every movement, my lower back feels as if I tried to lift my little brother, and my dignity not tarnished. I literally probably ran for no more than 15 minutes total last night.I foolishly decided to partake in an indoor soccer game last night against girls my size: against little highschoolers. We were about to leave after my little sister's game when all of a sudden I hear a vested older lady, with nothing but hope in her eyes, pleaing for subs to play in her impending game. I approached the woman and said, "I hear you're looking for players." "Yes, you wanna play? You have to be in highschool," she said as she scrutinzed my womanly figure."Perfect, I'm a Junior," I quickly reported, lying through my teeth...."Suit up. You're in, in 5 minutes." Little did I know I would be undergoing the worst physical pain my body has ever endured in my entire life. Nothing is more humbling than getting schooled by highschoolers. Nothing.

Wisdom Teeth-Part Two

The time has come upon me. The time when the rest of my precious wisdom teeth are to be removed. Extracted. Operated. Void of my mouth. To be honest, it’s rather lonely without them in there, waiting to be a part of their crunching counterparts. I’ve grown up with these pearly whites my entire life and now, they are no longer to be a part of my life. But they shall be, in the form of a necklace. Kidding. I am not on bath salts (LSD) and will not be anytime soon. However, my teeth would look sexy draped around my neck…in a cannibalistic way. 

I already knew the drill (no pun intended) for I have already had my left side extracted and called the dental assistant a “seeing-eye dog but who smelt better.”  I entered the operating room, sat in the operating chair, and waited…waited…and waited…. for thirty minutes before any action regarding my mouth occurred, and I don’t mean kissing. My mouth would have found quicker action in a bar. I started playing with the heart rate machine to see how fast and slow I could make my heart beat just to defeat the boredom.

Suddenly, the surgeon appears in a sweaty hustle, as if he just manually yanked out his last victim’s teeth. It was the least bit relieving to see him in such a frantic state. He apologized for being tardy and claimed he dropped his “bag” midway as he was riding his bike to the office. Grand. I could tell he wanted these teeth out in a hurry. Next thing I know, they stuck me with the anesthetic, I leaned my head back, and woke up with two less teeth.

For the past two days, I have been “recovering” by watching new releases from beloved Ray’s, Celebrity Ghost Stories, and the Food Network. Life has been wonderful. Lots of mouthwash, but wonderful