Asian Invasion

What better way to return to my precious CockTalk than by talking about my experiences Christmas shopping. One downfall about shopping is how exhausting it can be. Dressing rooms are apart of this exhaustion. You walk in with a wad of clothes not knowing whether or not they will fit and hope for the best. The other day I was at Forever 21 trying to find some fly Christmas sweaters and decided to take the plunge and try them on in the beloved dressing room. As I was checking out my slowly-forming six pack in the mirror, I suddenly hear the "curtain" to my dressing room open. I make eye contact with a small Asian girl and her face contorts into complete mortification. She backed up out of there as if she had been shot. "I so sowwey I so sowwey," was all I heard for the next ten minutes. I chased her out of the dressing room and kept saying, "No worries, no worries" in an attempt to restore her lost honor. But it was to no avail. She simply ran out of the store in her flashy Forever 21 New Year's attire, never to be seen again.

Exploding Birds

Unfortunately, due to my extroverted nature, I have no qualms bout singing out loud in my working environment aka the library. But, apparently, various patrons do have minor issues with my outbursts.
The event took place March23rd, around 1:20 pm on the 4th floor of the Knight library. I was singing to the sweet sounds of Chris Brown (as usual) and my coworker could not help but comment on my performance.
"Rachelle," she started, as shelved away her book down the RA aisle.
"When you sing, you remind me of that princess in Shrek who sings and then birds explode."
After I heard this, I almost dropped the book I was shelving. I had no idea how to respond to this tidbit of news. I was about to continue belting in hopes my coworker would explode but was suddenly interrupted by a male patron who approached me saying,
"Hey, it's not your fault girl. It's your parents' fault. Blame your parents for your voice. Or lack of it."
I was completely appalled and could not believe what I was hearing. My coworker implied my impersonation of Chris Brown caused animals to explode and a nearby listener essentially agreed and tried to reassure me it wasn't my fault. I was simply born this way. It is in my genetic makeup and I cannot do anything to change it.
As the patron left, I was still too shocked/dismayed to say anything in rebuttal so I just simply stood there, dumbfounded, book in hand with thoughts of throwing it.
Even though this lil episode shattered much of my confidence in my singing abilities, no one will ever stop me from singing my Chris Brown. Even if it does make them explode :p

Dilated Disaster Part II

The Thailand eye assistant proceeded to explain in great detail what Glaucoma was and my nausea worsened with every word.
"Glaucoma like you have a balloon and sink. It like put balloon over sink and fill with water and expand. Eye like balloon and fill with fluid. To fix eye, eye must be drained."
That was it. I was gone. The last thing I remember was a Thailand accent in the distance. I'm not sure if it was the the numbing ointment, the glaucoma story, or the accent that sent me unconscious but I was out cold.
Next thing I remember is waking up to an unfamiliar face with the most concerned expression.
"What happened!?" I gasped.
I was so utterly confused and had no idea where I was. I thought perhaps I fell asleep during my eye appointment, got into a car accident, and I lost my legs or something to that extent.
Then, I heard it. That beloved, unforgettable Thailand accent. "Oh my gosh oh my gosh Rachel, are you ok?!" I look down to see my legs being held above my head by this Asian woman who apparently possessed some massive biceps. It takes real strength to lift these calves of mine. I was impressed and developed a new found respect for this woman. I learned later she hit the gym every now and then and the purpose of lifting my legs was to get the blood back to my heart.
The unfamiliar face was a nurse who ran in as soon as I fainted and kept putting cold packs on my forehead. She claimed I underwent a little faint-like spell because my body was unfamiliar with what it was experiencing and essentially "shut-down."
Horror stories about Glaucoma are definitely something my body is unfamiliar with.
"I thought you died!" My darling little sister exclaimed. "You started twitching and everything like you were possessed! Definitely thought you were a goner," she continued. My little sister always knows how to reassure me in my times of despair.
All I know is that I survived my first fainting episode and what brought me back to the surface was the unforgettable sound of a Thailand accent.
"Rachel, I never tell you story about Glaucoma again."
Amen sista. Amen.

Dilated Disaster

It all began on a dreary yet blissful Friday. It was the first day of my over-delayed spring break and I had an eye Doctor’s appointment. I scheduled an appointment out of fear that the blind spot in my right eye (due to Toxoplasmosis) was beginning to expand and that perhaps I was going blind. Paranoid, I know but what can I say? I am the daughter of Mr. Paranoid himself, Kevin Cochran.

A little history on my Toxoplasmosis. The disease is defined as, a parasitic disease caused by the protozoan Toxoplasma gondii. The parasite infects most genera of warm-blooded animals, including humans, but the primary host is the felid (cat) family. Essentially, I contracted the parasite as child while playing in my cat’s cat litter. We didn’t have a sandbox when I was little and I had to make do with what we did have. So yes, because I played with cat poop, I now have a blind spot which progressively get worst if neglected.

I remember sitting in the chair, eyes dilated, and then seeing the stick of doom with numbing ointment come at my eyes. I was petrified and the Ophthalmologist Assistant’s little Thailand accent was not providing any comfort. We were about to take my eye pressure for a Glaucoma test and then I made the rookie mistake and asked her what Glaucoma actually entailed. From there, it was all a blur….to be continued